The 10 Essential Rules for Slowing Down and Enjoying Life More

This was a posting written by Leo Babauta on the Zen Habits web site.  As good fortune would have it, you are freely permitted to reproduce their content elsewhere.  I encourage everyone to read, think about and share this.


It’s an irony of our modern lives that while technology is continually invented that saves us time, we use that time to do more and more things, and so our lives are more fast-paced and hectic than ever.

Life moves at such a fast pace that it seems to pass us by before we can really enjoy it.

However, it doesn’t have to be this way. Let’s rebel against a hectic lifestyle and slow down to enjoy life.

A slower-paced life means making time to enjoy your mornings, instead of rushing off to work in a frenzy. It means taking time to enjoy whatever you’re doing, to appreciate the outdoors, to actually focus on whoever you’re talking to or spending time with — instead of always being connected to a Blackberry or iPhone or laptop, instead of always thinking about work tasks and emails. It means single-tasking rather than switching between a multitude of tasks and focusing on none of them.

Slowing down is a conscious choice, and not always an easy one, but it leads to a greater appreciation for life and a greater level of happiness.

Here’s how to do it.

1. Do less. It’s hard to slow down when you are trying to do a million things. Instead, make the conscious choice to do less. Focus on what’s really important, what really needs to be done, and let go of the rest. Put space between tasks and appointments, so you can move through your days at a more leisurely pace. Read more.

2. Be present. It’s not enough to just slow down — you need to actually be mindful of whatever you’re doing at the moment. That means, when you find yourself thinking about something you need to do, or something that’s already happened, or something that might happen … gently bring yourself back to the present moment. Focus on what’s going on right now. On your actions, on your environment, on others around you. This takes practice but is essential.

3. Disconnect. Don’t always be connected. If you carry around an iPhone or Blackberry or other mobile device, shut it off. Better yet, learn to leave it behind when possible. If you work on a computer most of the day, have times when you disconnect so you can focus on other things. Being connected all the time means we’re subject to interruptions, we’re constantly stressed about information coming in, we are at the mercy of the demands of others. It’s hard to slow down when you’re always checking new messages coming in.

4. Focus on people. Too often we spend time with friends and family, or meet with colleagues, and we’re not really there with them. We talk to them but are distracted by devices. We are there, but our minds are on things we need to do. We listen, but we’re really thinking about ourselves and what we want to say. None of us are immune to this, but with conscious effort you can shut off the outside world and just be present with the person you’re with. This means that just a little time spent with your family and friends can go a long way — a much more effective use of your time, by the way. It means we really connect with people rather than just meeting with them.

5. Appreciate nature. Many of us are shut in our homes and offices and cars and trains most of the time, and rarely do we get the chance to go outside. And often even when people are outside, they’re talking on their cell phones. Instead, take the time to go outside and really observe nature, take a deep breath of fresh air, enjoy the serenity of water and greenery. Exercise outdoors when you can, or find other outdoor activities to enjoy such as nature walks, hiking, swimming, etc. Feel the sensations of water and wind and earth against your skin. Try to do this daily — by yourself or with loved ones.

6. Eat slower. Instead of cramming food down our throats as quickly as possible — leading to overeating and a lack of enjoyment of our food — learn to eat slowly. Be mindful of each bite. Appreciate the flavors and textures. Eating slowly has the double benefit of making you fuller on less food and making the food taste better. I suggest learning to eat more real food as well, with some great spices (instead of fat and salt and sugar and frying for flavor).

7. Drive slower. Speedy driving is a pretty prevalent habit in our fast-paced world, but it’s also responsible for a lot of traffic accidents, stress, and wasted fuel. Instead, make it a habit to slow down when you drive. Appreciate your surroundings. Make it a peaceful time to contemplate your life, and the things you’re passing. Driving will be more enjoyable, and much safer. You’ll use less fuel too.

8. Find pleasure in anything. This is related to being present, but taking it a step farther. Whatever you’re doing, be fully present … and also appreciate every aspect of it, and find the enjoyable aspects. For example, when washing dishes, instead of rushing through it as a boring chore to be finished quickly, really feel the sensations of the water, the suds, the dishes. It can really be an enjoyable task if you learn to see it that way. The same applies to other chores — washing the car, sweeping, dusting, laundry — and anything you do, actually. Life can be so much more enjoyable if you learn this simple habit.

9. Single-task. The opposite of multi-tasking. Focus on one thing at a time. When you feel the urge to switch to other tasks, pause, breathe, and pull yourself back. Read more.

10. Breathe. When you find yourself speeding up and stressing out, pause, and take a deep breath. Take a couple more. Really feel the air coming into your body, and feel the stress going out. By fully focusing on each breath, you bring yourself back to the present, and slow yourself down. It’s also nice to take a deep breath or two — do it now and see what I mean. 🙂

Something I Wrote In The 12th Grade

Ghost Lovers

By Michael P. Bernstein

This poem is based on Emily Bronte’s “Wuthering Heights”
wuthering-heights-olivier-fitzgerald[1]

A cold wind blew across the moors
And heather grew on hills
A tale of love, I have to tell
A tale of clashing wills.

Mr. Earnshaw found a poor waif
Brought him to this place
Treated him as a second son
Gave him warmth and space.

When at first to Wuthering Heights
The new young man did come
Catherine and Hindley, the children
Said, “Go where you came from!”

Catherine began to love this boy
Heathcliff, his only name
Hindley severely taunted him
And made him feel true shame.

After the kindly father died
Living became much worse
Head of household was Hindley, now

Heathcliff’s life was a curse.
No more a son, a servant now
Hindley treats him like dirt
A stable boy he was to be

Swallowing fear and hurt.
Heathcliff kept his love a secret
For Catherine, he did care
Feelings of love she had for him
Though other thoughts they shared.

Heathcliff was below her station
She could not marry him
She wanted a man of great wealth
It was more than just a whim.

One day Heathcliff overheard her
Edgar she talked about
Heathcliff wanted to run away
He would take any route.

When he returned to English shore
A rich man now was he
A man of power he became
Catherine he came to see.

He thought about her ev’ry day
His love was deep and grew
Her marriage upset him greatly
He wanted her anew.

It was too late for them to love
She could not leave her mate
She could not go away with him
Edgar was now her fate.

Wealth was nothing to Heathcliff then
He wanted only her
But he married Isabella
The marriage caused a stir.

Heathcliff was nasty, cold, and mean
His wife had much regret
Meanwhile Catherine died in childbirth
The haunting mood was set.

Catherine’s ghost was frequently seen
Heathcliff stayed by her grave
There he poured out his tortured soul,
Was known to cry and rave.

His misery went on and on
Heathcliff could find no peace
His sickly son brought him no joy
His haunting would not cease.

Toward the end he did grow mellow
He tried to set things right
In a new will that he did draw
Before he died that night.

Heathcliff’s and Catherine’s souls entwined
In death as not in life
True happiness was found by them
As ghostly man and wife.

March posting

It’s been over a month since I’ve posted anything, so I figured I should put up something.  So, let’s see, what’s happened this month?  I moved up a digit in my age.  The company where my career is announced that it is merging with the company where my career started.  While expected for years, it did sort of still come out of the blue.  No one knows what this means when the new company is formed.  I suppose what is good is that there is no shortage of work to be done.  Lots of cases coming in as we prepare for a new corporate portal and SAP implementation.

In a couple of weeks is Passover and then after that, an all too short (but much anticipated) trip to see my buddy Neil, the world’s greatest Hoosier ever to exist.  🙂   …who just got an amazing quad core computer.  The dude got a Dell!  😀

My Coming Out Story

Originally posted on MySpace on Tuesday, April 25, 2006

It all started in January of 2005 when I put money down on my own condo. I started to think about my independence and what changes this will bring to my life. A few busy months at work and dealing with the house went by. Then April rolled around and thoughts about the changes my life will soon have re-entered my mind. That’s when the recurring dreams about telling *them* started. I started thinking about telling someone, but who to tell? There was an on-line acquaintance who I have drawn up a nice, friendly platonic relationship with. He told me at first that he thought he was bi then came to the realization that he is gay.  So I decided what the heck, so I told him about me. Like me, he asked all the usual questions. I later told another IRC chatter who was openly gay. When I came back from my trip to Greece, I decided to tell others in an IRC chat room that I frequented. The participants in this chat room tended to be quite liberal and were quite supportive. Its to be noted that nothing happened in Greece to make me decide to do this, just that I had time to think.

Several busy months went by. I closed on the condo in August and moved in September. That month between closing and moving were beyond hectic. Between buying all new stuff for my new condo (silverware and some dishes I got from my mom who was all too eager to give them to me), waiting for furniture (mis)deliveries, getting utilities transfered, and all my stuff moved there was little time to think of anything else. I got myself settled in and slowly got situated with my new life (shorter commute means more time to do condo related stuff).

Then October 11, 2005 came. I was in my new place for about 3 weeks. I decided to “celebrate” National Coming Out Day by telling my long time (12+ years) online friend from Italy. There was nothing we kept from each other (except this). Up to now the only people I told were some people on an IRC channel, not a long time friend who is more than just ASCII text on a screen (we’ve video chatted, done voice chat, I’ve done Net Meeting tech support, etc). So I told him. Up until this point, I never knew what his opinion was with gay people. He was very, very supportive and I got to find out another aspect of his life.

The dreams about telling *them* continued at least 3 times a week. The dreams varied, sometimes it was a good experience, sometimes it was a nightmare. Often I don’t remember my dreams, but these I did. The majority of the dreams were positive.

Months went by and I decided to tell one of my best friends from college, who also not only has the same first name as me, but the same birthday. He was my first “in real life” person that I told. Like everyone else, he was very supportive. He didn’t ask me a lot of questions (which was an interesting change of pace) but was quite nice about it.

Throughout this whole time there were points I wanted to tell *them* but the right opportunity never came up. I can’t tell *them* in an e-mail. Calling them up and telling them isn’t a good way of doing it. It has to be face to face, so I decided to not tell *them*.

There was a “scholar in residence” at what will soon be my new shul (synagogue) the weekend of my 34th birthday. While I didn’t attend the Saturday lecture, it was about gays and Judaism. Well, this synagogue has *them* as members and they went. No face-to-face opportunities to talk to *them* about this lecture came up.

Surprisingly, around this time the dreams stopped.

The two of *them* went on vacation to Europe and I was invited to the house for the two Seders. It was just the three of us. So on Wednesday April 12,2006 I went to their house. On my drive to their house, out of the blue I started thinking about telling *them*. We had a nice, quick 20 minute first half of the Seder and then it was time for dinner. This was my opportunity to ask about the talk the scholar in residence gave about Jews and homosexuality. In a nutshell he said that Judaism accepts it as a natural thing (this is a pretty liberal synagogue in the Conservative movement) and people are just born that way. I then asked *them* if they felt the same way. They said yes.

I then told *them*, I mean, my parents that I am gay.

The dream had become literal, but which dream is it going to be?

I quickly found out that the result, in real life, was just how I dreamed it. The response from my mom and was, “yes, we know.” My dad asked me if I have a boyfriend. I asked my mom why she never asked me and she felt that when the time was right, I would tell them. Apparently after I moved out, my parents had a brief chat wondering if I would tell them. When I said that I couldn’t believe how supportive they are and how great they were in my announcement, my mom literally shrugged in a way that said that it was no big deal. My dad said that it must’ve been a big load off of my mind to finally tell them. They first figured that I was gay at age 17 when a girl was flirting with me and I showed zero interest. I wasn’t even 100% sure then, but I was coming to that realization. I suppose the best way I can sum up their reaction was if I told someone that the sky is blue.

Coming out didn’t end there. Now that I had told them, I felt a little bit freer. That’s when I decided to update the MySpace profile and check off “gay” for my sexual orientation. I suppose at that point I officially “came out” on the Internet.

The day I told my parents, I discussed telling my aunt. Both my parents felt that she would be supportive. I was planning to visit her on April 23. The day I got home from my parents I e-mailed my aunt to remind me that I had something important to tell her that must be told in person. The 23 came and I went to see my aunt along with my parents. After I finished setting up the home networking on her TiVo, I told her. He response was literally “so what?” She then told me about another member of her family who is bi.

So there you have it, my coming out story. People at work don’t know, but some are on my “friends” list. If they come to my profile and find out, so be it. Ironically, my place of work just started a gay-lesbian group at its worldwide corporate headquarters this week, but the timing of the meeting didn’t work out for me. I see no gain for me to outright tell people at work, but if someone asks, I will tell them.

My January 2009 Trip To Indiana

From January 15th to January 19th (the Martin Luther King Jr. weekend) I went to Indiana.  In my previous post, I was hoping I’d get to go.  Luckily all went well with the flight.  I left the house at 11:35 and was by my gate a little after 1:15.  I was on line for security for around fifteen minutes.  Like my last trip, I was able to locate a seat right next to a power outlet, unfortunately only one of the two outlets was working and someone was using the other one.  While I was waiting for my flight, I got paged to retrieve a lost article.  I check everything and am unable to determine what I lost.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t make out where I was to go to get it, so since I was traveling alone, I packed up my laptop, and carried all my luggage to security.  The TSA folks were quite nice but they didn’t have my lost item, so I went to the Continental gate.  They said that my item is one gate over (a flight going to Richmond, VA).  I retrieved my article and she then asked if I wanted to board.  I told her I was going to Indianapolis, which left a confused look on her face.  This also unsettled me a little bit, so I went to the Continental web site just to double check my booking was correct.  The 3:25 PM flight (boarding at 2:55) boarded about 5 minutes late, but it was a full flight (a couple of Continental Indy bound flights earlier in the day were canceled).  We pushed back from the gate around 3:30.  Since it had snowed earlier in the day, we moved back about 200 yards and then they washed the plane.  We then waited in line (typical of Newark Liberty International Airport) and took off at around 4 PM.  Other than a little choppiness when we took off, the flight was uneventful.  During the flight, I watched “Dirty Driving: Thundercars of Indiana” which I had recorded from HBO and put on my iPod to get me in the “Indiana mood.”  We landed at around 6 PM.  It was 1° Fahrenheit, much colder than my trip in October.  I was prepared, wearing my Merck Hands On Helpdesk sweater and some gloves.  You’d be surprised how much room gloves take up when you’re packing in a way to not need to check any baggage.

The new Indianapolis Airport is very nice.  While it is designed very similar to the old airport, it is much bigger and very modern.  Like the old airport, it is well designed and very navigable.  It has two terminals with something akin to a food court/shopping mall between the two.  Since this food court/mall is before security, it is a good meeting place and that’s where Neil was waiting.  I didn’t take any pictures of the airport, but here’s a YouTube video of the lights that follow you on the moving walkway on the pedestrian bridge.

We grabbed a bit to eat at Cheeseburger In Paradise.  We had a snack of 6 mini cheeseburgers and had strawberry margaritas.  We then went to Bloomington where I dropped off my stuff and met up with Neil’s friend, Jonathan.  The three of us went to The Irish Lion.  That restaurant has some great British/Irish food.  I had the corned beef and cabbage while Neil had the fish & chips and Jonathan had the leg of lamb.  Neil and I had an Irish Shandy (equal Guinness and lemonade) to go along with it.  When we left the restaurant it was -4° and windy.  Thankfully I was dressed warm and Jonathan’s car has a really good heater.  We then went home and watched an Ellen DeGeneres DVD from an HBO special from 2003.

On Friday Neil was going to work half a day since he had been gone for so long, however, due to the amount of work he had, it turned out to be a full day.  In the morning it was –9° I spent the day watching stuff on Hulu as well as some stuff I had on my portable hard drive that I pulled from my TiVo.  It was good that I was home since the $40 chocolate mousse cheesecake (that only cost me $3.98) from 1-800-Flowers got delivered.  It was packed in dry ice in a cooler.  The funny thing is that it was shipped from New Jersey.  Here is a picture of the cheesecake.cheesecake

At night we had mushroom pizza from Mad Mushroom and watched “Breaking Away” from Netflix on demand.

Being the early riser that I am, I got up several hours before Neil.  I got up around 5 and he got up at 10:30.  I spent the morning listening to WIBC which is one of Indianapolis’s news/talk stations to see what’s going on in the state of Indiana.  I had a “hearty” McDonald’s breakfast (coffee, steak and egg sandwich and two apple pies) and spent the morning watching stuff on Hulu/external hard drive and chatting on IRC.  I also played my first arena in World of Warcraft (WoW).  I didn’t do so great, but I did manage to get eight honorable kills.  Once Neil woke up, we finally dug in to that dark chocolate covered, chocolate chip strewn cheesy and mousse-y cheesecake.  If you think it looks good, then the taste was 10x better, probably the best cheesecake I ever ate.  Neil then helped me reconfigure my WoW user interface so that I can be a better player.  Afterwards, Neil & I made a 2+ mile walk from the apartment to the IU campus.  It was on this walk that he took a picture of me in front of the Sample Gates.

We walked around campus looking for Mark’s car.  It’s such a beautiful campus, even in the winter.  I texted Mark to tell us where it is.  Neil found the car 5 seconds before Mark, who was at work, texted me back.  Once we got the car, we headed for the College Mall.  We went to the AT&T Store where Neil found out they had the white iPhone.  He needed to think about it so we had pretzels and drinks at Auntie Ann’s.  It took little convincing on my part for him to get it.  We went back and Neil got his new communications device along with a green cover.  He is enjoying his new phone very much, despite the lack of 3G coverage in Bloomington.  We then started to make our way to French Lick, but decided to go see a movie instead.  We caught the 7 PM showing of “Gran Torino” at the ShowPlace 12.  The theater was really nice with high backed chairs and cup holders in the armrest instead of in front of you.  The screen was gigantic.  Afterwards we went to the Alley Bar where we had a few beers and relaxed.  Once we were done with the bar, we hit Uncle E’s (short for Elizabeth) which is Bloomington’s gay nightclub.  Neil, being the driver didn’t drink much but he got me several more beers and a shot of “something” at the end (vodka maybe).  While I didn’t keep track of the number of beers I had, Neil said I had 14 (if my aunt is reading this, she’s hating this right now).  Let’s just say I was in a very happy mood by the time we left the club.

On Sunday morning I got up my usual early time and experienced my first, albeit very mild hangover.  I went to McDonald’s, got a large juice to hydrate myself and a large coffee to wake me up (which probably undid whatever good stuff the juice did).  I came back and had my juice and coffee with some cheesecake for breakfast (it’s what the champions eat, right?).  Once Neil woke up, I wanted to go have brunch at The Runcible Spoon.  We did the 2 mile walk to the restaurant only to find that it was packed.  We then walked to campus (through the Sample Gates no less) and went to the cyber cafe in the basement of the Herman B. Wells Library (don’t confuse it with H.G. Wells, this one is named after one of IU’s chancellors).  I had a light lunch of a tuna fish salad sandwich and some soda.  The cyber cafe is quite nice.  Along the back wall are a bunch of iMacs for people to use along with wi-fi access (which is available through most of the campus).  After lunch we went to the Oliver Winery.  For a Sunday afternoon, it was quite crowded.  When you walk in, they give you a wine list for you to pick from for the wine tasting.  At the bar you taste the wine, then eat a cracker to cleanse your palette.  Every half hour they have a tour.  I’ve been on winery tours before in places like California and France.  This was Neil’s first winery tour.  While not necessarily as interesting as some of the tours I’ve been on, I still found it enjoyable.  One thing I wish they they did show, which I’ve seen in person is the actually bottling of the wine, instead they showed a video of it.  After the tour we tried a couple more wines.  There was this one honey wine that I liked.  Before we left, I bought Neil a bottle of Zinfandel since it was his favorite.  I found out a few days later that he liked it very much.  After the winery, we went back to the apartment.  When we got back, I fought with OS X to get it to print to Neil’s printer.  Once I finally found the right driver, I printed out my boarding pass (which Continental e-mailed to me).  We ordered hot wings and watched Woody Allen’s “Sleeper.”  I think we were about halfway through the movie when the wings finally came.  It was cold outside and no one wanted to go to a restaurant so the delivery places were busy.  When I say that these wings were spicy, I mean it.  I thought my mouth was going to get another hole in it.  We ordered 30 wings (boneless) and had plenty left over for Mark.  After the movie, we watched “Hackers” from Netflix on DVD.  I really should say that Neil and Mark watched it.  I fell asleep and probably only saw about 30-40 minutes of it.

Monday was the day I liked the least, since it was time for me to go home.  I woke up early that day (around 4 AM) and did some stuff on the computer.  Neil came down at 4:30 and I guess he didn’t hear me because I startled the crap out of him when he went to get some grapefruit juice.  As he was walking back up the stairs he was like “awww you’re already all set up, go back to sleep.”  Then he patted me on the head and went upstairs.  I spent a good 40 minutes trying to get everything re-packed (darn hard drive and gloves) and miraculously I managed to do it.  I showered and got dressed then went to McDonald’s where I got myself some coffee/juice and an apple pie.  I planned to leave for the airport at 11.  When 10 AM rolled around and Neil was still sound asleep I got a little concerned.  His alarm went off at 10:15.  Neil & Mark ate some breakfast and we chatted.  We left for the airport at 11:06 and got there a little after 12.  Since I had plenty of time for my flight, we got some lunch and chatted in the food court/mall area.  While we were chatting, my flight got delayed until 2:30, which meant a little extra time with my friends.  When the time came (the worst part of the trip), I said bye to Mark and gave Neil a hug goodbye and headed for the gate.  I waited at the gate until around 2:30.  The delay was due to snow at Newark, since the plane was already at the gate in Indy.  We took off around 3 PM but circled for several minutes mid-flight (probably over Pennsylvania) and for another 20-30 minutes 150 miles away from Newark.  We finally landed at around 5:30 where it was snowing.  We waited another 20 minutes before we could get to the gate (2 planes ahead of us deicing).  I called Avistar Parking who took a good 20-30 minutes to pick me up.  I got to my car around 6:30 and was home by 7:19.

In conclusion, as always I had a wonderful time.  With a little bit of luck, Neil might come for a visit in April.

Hoping to go to Indiana

I’m both nervous and excited today. I’m excited because I am going to Indiana later today. I’m nervous because I am hoping to go to Indiana later today.  It’s supposed to snow a little bit this morning followed by some wind.  I just hope my flight doesn’t get affected.  Newark Airport doesn’t like snow, while ERJ-145 airplanes don’t like wind.  With everything that Neil has gone through, he could really use a friend to take his mind off of things.  I just hope neither of us are disappointed.  I’m glad he and Mark worked things out, I just hope Mark and I do the same.  I want this to be a great visit for all three of us.  I might go out and get some Dunkin’ Donuts for breakfast to start making the day special.  I just hope it ends with me being in Bloomington.  My bags are packed and overflowing.  I just hope I can get the zipper on that green Colette bag to close whenever I open it.  I’m looking forward to seeing the new airport as well.  On my last trip to Indiana the old airport was still being used.  I just hope Neil and whomever is picking me up (I’d be genuinely surprised if it was Mark) knows that they have to take a different road to get to it.  I just want to get there.  My mood is apprehensive/excited.

Map picture
Map picture

Newark Airport

Indianapolis Airport